The Wanted: Wanting for Nearly Everything

There are some criteria for having a successful pop band:

1. you can have comically attractive band members or
2. you can have rich substantive lyrics or 
3. you can have a wildly catchy beat 

I'm Glad You Came by The Wanted however, has none of these things.

Attractive Band Members
The first mistake made in this video is that the director clearly went to the guys and said "Ok mates, what we're going to do for this shot has pan to each of you giving the camera your sexiest face. The girls will eat it up."

The second mistake was that the results of this gag reel were put in the first 20 seconds of the video. But lets go through them one by one shall we?

Max George: the buzz shaved one, for his sexy face goes with a face of deep contemplation. It was if some attractive woman had just asked him to add 3 and 5, like he is about to reply in his most seductive voice "Shhh girl, lets not talk about algebra right now."

Nathan Sykes: the bookish one. I would say that for his sexy face he pretends he is a puppy, but that appears to just be what he does all the time. Sure in this picture he is dressed like a gay cabin boy from a 1800's whaler but he is paler than chalk so that must mean he is attractive to British women right? I hope not because his sexy face is filled with as much passion and character as a bus stop.

Siva Kaneswaran: the almost foreign one. The simple fact that he has skin tone has to make you question if he is British or not but with lips thicker than a phone book the question is put to rest. It is only his musty sense of fashion that assures one that he is one of the Queen's men because no one but a Brit would wear such things. His sexy face is top notch, with parted lips staring wistfully into the rising sun. This I am sure is what was going through his mind at the time. Unfortunately if you watch the video is some guy with enormous lips looking like he is choking on his own tongue.

Jay McGuiness: The only band member that is even slightly attractive. He is paler than bleach, tall, with a mop of curly hair. He didn't make himself look like an idiot attempting a sexy face, and by the way he dances is quite obviously British. The scene of him dancing is like watching a toddler that has managed to stand but hasn't quite mastered walking. One gets the feeling that the director took the model he was dancing with aside and said to her "Look, I need you to make the best of it you can. We've done 30 takes already, he still hasn't got it and we're out of time." You also get the feeling the other band mates know he is the only halfway decent looking one and secretly hate him for it. Which is why he is always banished to the edge of the group in any photo.

Tom Parker: The Scarecrow one. The similarities are astonishing, not only does he look like he hasn't eaten in weeks but his eyes are completely flat. When putting on your sexy face you stare off into the distance like you are to burdened with thoughts of this one girl you ardently desire and can't get out of your head, like a beautiful symphony playing in your mind that you heard live and will never hear again. This guy stare off into the distance and you expect to see the look of silent music in his eyes and instead you see--nothing. It is as if there is not even the faintest spark of thought in that grey matter between his ears. Instead of putting on a sexy face he seems to have been impersonating someone in a vegetative state.

Clearly then we have not gone the overwhelmingly attractive band member's route. What about the second category?

Lyrical Content:
I was watching the video and I was a little ways in when the chorus started up and I realized that I could not remember the main verse. When I watched it again I discovered that I could not remember the main verse because there isn't one.

The song is literally the chorus twice repeated.

It's a plan so stupid it might be brilliant! So moronic it just might work! I say might there because I was being kind. Really, no. It's just stupid.

To make matters worse the lyrics they do have are laughable. Trying to dive into them to get some greater meaning is like taking a high dive into some sea foam that washed up on shore, you're just kidding yourself. These lyrics, sound as mature and thoughtful as the scribblings of a middle schooler about his crush.

"I like you a lot
more than I like Friday pizza lunch days."

Thank god no one buys cd's anymore or they'd have to print the lyrics on the inside of the front booklet for everyone to see.

Clearly then they did not get famous by lyrical merit. What about the third category?

A Catchy Beat:
All I have to say here is that while the band is British, whoever put their music together was French. You can tell by the prominent accordion in the song.

Manager: This song needs something...
Composer: Accordion!
Manger: Accordion?
Composer: Accordion!
Manager: errr, are you sure?
Composer: Accordion!
Manager: You're right! How could I have not seen it before? Yes, lets add lots of accordion.

What then could possibly redeem this song to account for this group's popularity?

Well, I have thought long and hard about this and here is what I have come up with: accents.

These guys have British accents. Women love British accents. It is that simple.



You're welcome.

Light Theory

Special relativity says light always travels at the speed of light regardless of relativity.

If I am standing still, and a train passes me going 100km/h I perceive the train as moving at 100km/h.
But if I am in a train going 100km/h with another train running along side also going 100km/h the other train appears to me to be standing still with me. If a third train pulls up on the other side of my train going 110km/h it appears to me that this third train is moving at 10 km/h because relative to me the difference in speed is 10km/h.

Now imagine I am in a train going 5 km/h and the through some mix up there is a train on the same track going to opposite direction at 5km/h. We are going to collide and to me it looks like the other train is moving towards me at 10km/h. 10km/h because the net of our two speeds in opposite directions means we are coming together at 10km/h.

This does not hold true for light though.

If I were moving at 95% the speed of light towards a bright lamp post and I measured the speed of light coming at me from the lamp post, I would find it was still moving at the speed of light, not 195% the speed of light like the net of our two speeds would suggest. Light cannot move any faster or slower than the speed of light.

Here is my theory:
Because light is incapable of changing speed, to conserve energy light must change its frequency relative to the objects velocity.

In other words if I was again moving at 95% the speed of light towards a lamp post, our net speed would be 195% the speed of light. But because light can only go 100% the speed of light it would have to dump this extra 95% of my forward progress into its frequency.  Thus the light from the lamp post wouldn't be visible anymore it would be converted into gamma rays which would melt my face off. Since all light is on the electromagnetic spectrum the light would blueshift into gamma rays

Thus I would only be able to see the lamp post in visible light if it were also emitting radio waves which would shift up to visible light.

What does this say for the objects behind me though? Based on this reasoning if I were heading to the lamp post at 95% the speed of light, away from a large gamma ray gun behind me, looking back I would suddenly perceive the gamma rays as visible light.

The Universe is a beautiful place.

People On Walkways

A mini rant:
On a paved walkway wide enough to allow two cars people need this much room:
A fat person: 1 meter
two friends: 1.25 meters
a couple (long term): 1.25 meters
a couple (newly together): 1.5 meters
a couple (drunk): 2 meters
3+ friends: the entire walkway
An owner walking their dog: the entire walkway + 5 meters

Doesn't matter how wide the walkway a dog owner will bring a leash that long +5 meters so that they can walk on one side of the pavement and their dog can walk off in the woods on the other side. The least hangs out in the middle waiting to trip you or strangle you depending on the height of the dog.

I hate dog owners.