Top Books to Read pt4

You'll never guess what this post is about.
Yes, I have still more books I think people should read
Welcome to instalment 4: the legend continues to continue. 

How did we get here?

Well, I looked up top book lists and they were all hot garbage.

So I've made my own list.

Many books are worthy but had to be excluded because I have not read them.
I limited myself to using each author only once, but if you like them you should keep reading, almost all of them have many works to chose from.
This list is mostly fiction because its what I read.

This list is designed to make you both well read and interesting at parties, and is in no particular order.

That said, let us begin!

31. Jane Austin - Pride and Prejudice
    Genre: Victorian
    Perhaps our lone representative from the Victorians.
    I'm not super enthusiastic about Jane Austen but of all the contemporary authors you could reel off, she stands head and shoulders above the crowd, she is the one your friends who don't read much might have read, and even if they haven't they'd still know her name and Mr Darcy.
    Maybe I'll catch flack for not listing Dickens, but spoiler: I don't like Dickens.
    You're free to try and convince me I'm underestimating his genius, the genius of being paid by the word and taking forever to say anything.
    Other Victorians you might enjoy that I've read but not on this list:
H.G. Wells: Time Machine, War of the Worlds, Invisible Man,
Mary Shelley: Frankenstein
Bram Stoker: Dracula
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: Sherlock Holmes

32. Margaret Mitchell - Gone with the Wind
    Genre: Historical Fiction
    Holy Smokes!
    Honestly, I was floored by this novel.
    There is no way I should have been as interested in this story as I was, especially considering it was easily in the longer works camp. I could not put this one down, and when I had other things I had to do I would have that nervous energy where I was itching to get back to reading on. The plot is driven entirely by the characters who are masterfully written.  The author is spectacular, and while I see the movie referenced all the time (which I still haven't seen), I never hear her name mentioned.
    Strong female protagonist who is captivating to watch vacillate between being soft as cushions and hard as nails.

33. Neil Gaimen - American Gods
    Genre: Fiction
    Big popular author, I remember liking American Gods quite a bit, that it had me guessing as to how the plot was going to resolve itself the whole time. That the writing was great, I've always meant to read more of Gaimen's works and never quite have. I think his sandman series is pretty popular?

34. Andy Wier - The Martian
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    Aside from the set up of there being a powerful Martian dust storm --Mars has a rather thin atmosphere, a 'Martian storm' would be a light puff of breeze-- this book is focused on the science, and its awesome. A rescue craft that blows itself to pieces because they forgot to factor in that food would liquify under a high G launch, slosh around, changing the balance, spin the rocket out where it detonates? The attention to details, combined with the engineering behind the equipment, how the harsh environment is, at every moment, trying to kill the stranded astronaut, and all the clever solutions he comes up with makes for a great story.
    Just don't read Project Hail Mary

35. F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
    Genre: Fiction
    When I read this in gradeschool I hated this book because I despised the characters in it. I didn't realize at the time: that was the point. You are supposed to loath Daisy and Tom. Knowing that that totally reversed my opinion of the novel, its fantastic.

36. George Orwell - 1984
    Genre: Dystopia
    A book that gets referenced all the time, but be warned its dark, so very dark. Now, you could read the much shorter Animal Farm, but that is just as dark.
Anyway, a book you should read but won't necessarily make you happy.

37. Geoffrey Chaucer - The Canterbury Tales
    Genre: Poetry
    Reaching real far back for a little fun. Just a bunch of people telling stories to pass the time. Extra points for this one if you read it in the original middle English. Middle English does not look like modern English but if you read a page or so you can fall into a rhythm were it makes sense.
I'm explaining it poorly
its like those optical illusions you can only see by unfocusing your eyes.

38. Beowulf
    Genre: Poetry
    Even older, no author to cite because its that old.
    Beowulf rocks up with his Posse Comitatus to help out the king, kills a monster but is then forced to deal with the monsters mother who is even bigger and badder.
Michael Crichton wrote a book that became a movie Eaters of the Dead (starring Antonio Banderas) that took a lot of inspiration from this poem.

39. Alexandre Dumas - The Three Musketeers
    Genre: Fiction
    Just a rollicking good time back in the days of dueling and single shot pistols and big plummed hats. Throw in court intrigues, love affairs, and murder, what more could you ask for? The characters are famous, read the work that invented them.

40. Jack London - Sea Wolf
    Genre: Fiction
    I've always enjoyed Jack London. As an accomplishment for having a character that does not speak White Fang is top tier. For my recommendation however I'll put Sea Wolf because Wolf Larson is an interesting character in the way he thinks. Admittedly the final scene is a touch weak but I can forgive it that because the rest of the book is great.

Ok, just one more part to round out the list so stay tuned for the final installment.
Is there anyone in this one you think doesn't belong?
Who do you think will make an appearance in the final list?
(Hint: I'm going mostly modern for the last list)

Let me know!

Top Books to Read pt3

 Time for part 3 already?
Yes it is!

Hopefully you're enjoying the list, but since I am enjoying writing it too bad even you don't.
The beatings shall continue until moral improves!

How did we get here?
Well, I looked up top book lists and they were all hot garbage.

So I've made my own list.

Many books are worthy but had to be excluded because I have not read them.
I limited myself to using each author only once, but if you like them you should keep reading, almost all of them have many works to chose from.
This list is mostly fiction because its what I read.

This list is designed to make you both well read and interesting at parties, and is in no particular order.

21. Kurt Vonnegut - Slaughterhouse Five
    Genre: Fiction
    Vonnegut is another oddball in this collection. I think there is something worthwhile about his writing but I'd be hard pressed to tell you exactly what is it. I picked Slaughterhouse Five because I have forever after been repeating "So it goes." one of the mantras of the novel. Again he's got plenty of works out there so if he suites your taste theres lots to dive into.

22. Robert Heinlein - Starship Troopers
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    Obviously theres the fighting of the war against the bugs but more interesting is the political reality Heinlein posits, that in order to gain voting rights one must serve in the military.  Indeed the characters spend a good amount of time discussing ideas. Maybe you agree, maybe you don't but the ideas are interesting to explore.

23. Joe Haldeman - The Forever War
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    Taking time dilation seriously leads to some gnarly consequences in warfare on a galactic scale. By the time you get there the you may have the latest and greatest in tech but then a wave of enemies comes in with the next best thing and you are suddenly working with antiquated tech. Not to mention that when you go back home everyone you know is dead and society has moved on without you in directions you can't fathom.

24. John Sclazi - Old Man's War
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    An interesting premise with a rocket powered plot this story is a great time. What do you do with all your old people? Why you send them into space to fight your wars. Great story, great story telling, all round fantastic and he's written many follow on books in the same world.

25. Orson Scott Card - Ender's Game
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    I think Card is an underrated author. I found the dynamics between his characters and how people relate to one another fascinating, but more importantly: they rang true to me. Card his in finger on the pulse of something fundamental to human nature, that he can also spin a captivating tale is an added bonus. And make no mistake, I loved everything about the plot and story, it was just the psychology that put this over the top. I didn't read further into the Ender's series because I heard they got pretty trippy but I the concurrent Bean series was excellent.

26. Ernest Cline - Ready Player One
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    Want a hard dose of 80's and 90's nostalgia? Lord knows I didn't catch all the references this guy was throwing out but it was a rollicking good story. Not so keen on his other works. I read Armada and it just screamed of some publisher realizing how hot this author was and just throwing him buckets of money to throw out whatever half baked manuscript he had lying around. It was not good. Ready Player One on the other hand was polished and a great time, a summer blockbuster type of fun.

27. Lev Grossman - The Magicians Trilogy
    Genre: Fantasy
    WOW.
    Point one, this guy is clearly well read, there are references all over the place.
    Point two I am biased toward this series because the central character Quintin has so many of my own failings, foibles, and flaws that I just can't look away. Its always fun to follow a group of hyper intelligent people and that's who all of these type A characters are. Amidst the fun of magic there are some deadly serious messages in this, you should read all 3, each one is worth it in its own right.

28. Adrian Tchaikovsky - Children of Time
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    Modern day classic. When I first read this I actually thought it was much older than it was and somehow escaped my notice, but no it is relatively recent (2015). Not to give things away but the portions of the novel that followed Portia were by far the most interesting to me. I haven't yet had time to read his other works but this one is fantastic. A slight note of caution is that it might not be for the arachnophobes among us.

29. James Clavell - Shogun
    Genre: Historical Fiction
    Now the Lord of the Ring movies are old enough now that I don't have to play my hipster card
    but with the Hulu Shogun recently out I have to say it:
    I liked Shogun before it was cool.
    That said James Clavell is stupendous, every Clavell novel I've ever read I have to spend the first quarter of the book sorting out who exactly all the characters are. Clavell is just a master of multitudes, he will introduce 20 main characters all of different backgrounds and motivations, all weaving together to create a constantly shifting narrative that keeps you on edge. Truly master level stuff.
I've read all the way through Whirlwind but was never able to get myself over the hump of jumping into the middle east, the weakest of his works was I think Noble House? Only because of the bizarre 80's thinking about psychological programming at the very end.

30. Shakespeare - Romeo and Juliet
    Genre: Play
    Romeo and Juliet is just a stand in here.
    You should read as much Shakespeare as you possibly can.
    He is the greatest English writer ever.
    No one can rival Shakespeare, he was a genius pure and simple.
    Read his plays, read his poems, go to see his plays performed, especially if you don't follow all the language which even I don't, it will help immensely to see it acted out and it will make you a better, more thoughtful person.


Ok, that was a lot of Sci-Fi, but hopefully I spread things around a bit.
Anyone on this section of the list you think doesn't belong?
Anyone you think still hasn't been mentioned that needs to be?

Let me know.

Top Books to Read pt 2

 You were on the edge of your seat, weren't you?
Waiting with baited breath for my unsolicited book recommendations?

No?
Well, here they are anyway, the next installment of the best books to read

As a reminder:

Many books are worthy but had to be excluded because I have not read them.
I limited myself to using each author only once, but if you like them you should keep reading, almost all of them have many works to chose from.
This list is mostly fiction because its what I read.

This list is designed to make you both well read and interesting at parties, and is in no particular order.

and without further ado:

11. Machiavelli - The Prince
   Genre: Non-Fiction
    You know he's no mere mortal author when you only need the last name to know exactly who it is. The man became the byword for cut-throat. Prioritizing your self interest above all moral considerations using 'by any means necessary' tactics, manipulation of others, its what the man is about.

12. Homer - The Odyssey
    Genre: Epic Poetry
    Continuing the more classically oriented theme time to wade into the world of Greek myth where the heros are larger than life but still deeply flawed (in that way the Greeks loved) and there are a bevy of jealous gods running around causing chaos.

13. George R.R. Martin - Game of Thrones
    Genre: Fantasy
    Most authors, once you meet all the central characters, you can be pretty certain what ever binds they get themselves into they're coming out of it alive because the author doesn't want to put in the work of creating and introducing new cast members. Not so with GRRM.
    This guy kills off his characters left and right, there is a constant flow of new people to meet with their own origin stories and competing motivations. GRRM is also not one to be overly precious about his characters and even the heroic ones can be killed for the very things that make them heroic. His is a hard scrabble dog eat dog world that is fantastically interesting.
If you get sucked into the series the one note I'd interject is that you don't have to read the one book in the middle that follows only boring characters. Someone can remind me which one that was but it was a true slog.
My self delusion had me thinking the entire way through: surely the next chapter we're going to jump back to one of the interesting characters. But nope, never happened.

14. Isaac Asimov - Foundation
    Genre: Sci-Fi
    I loved the first book way more than I liked the rest of the series but the whole thing is excellent as you might expect from one of the founders of the sci-fi genre. Isaac Asimov was a man born before his time and it is legit shocking how well his works stand up considering how long ago her wrote them.

15. Tolstoy - War and Peace
    Genre: Historical Fiction
    The Russians are famous for slow long winded tales and this is the epitome of that. However it would be a mistake to confuse long winded with dull.
This is a tale like a marathon through the woods every corner is new and unique, no two pieces of trail the same.
The theme of the novel is countering the great man of history theory and that actually the figure heads just happen to be in the right place at the right time, that they are merely acting out the will of the masses.
That and his observations about human nature are fascinating. I was especially amused by a particular paragraph where he broke it down by national origin.

16. Dostoevsky - Crime and Punishment
    Genre: Fiction
    A book I've heard described as more true than truth. Dostoevsky takes us into the inner most reaches of a man's soul where we watch as it writhes under the tortures of its own guilty conscience. Profound.
Also you get to sound like a genius telling people you've read a Russian with a multisyllabic name, makes you seem wicked smaat.

17. Ayn Rand - Atlas Shrugged
    Genre: Fiction
    Who is John Galt?
    Read this tome to find out. Tough as nails lady main character making it work in the business world with a compelling story.
My one piece of advice/confession is: skip the radio address at the end.
It goes on for basically a full chapter, just a recapitulating the book's message and by that stage you've already got the point.

18. Brandon Sanderson - Mistborn Trilogy
    Genre: Fantasy
    You really need the to see the whole trilogy through to get the payoff but Sanderson is a fantastic writer who is excellent at world building. If you like this and want to really nerd out you should read his stuff about how to construct a magic system in a fictional world. Yes its all made up, but the principals he lays down, if you have thoughts of writing yourself are gold.

19. Terry Goodkind - Wizards First Rule
    Genre: Fantasy
    Goodkind comes out firing on all cylinders. Lots of different cultures and characters and settings to explore. The series goes on forever, my recommendation there is to keep going until he runs out of ideas (which he does), there is some cool stuff at the end, emphasis here on some, but by that point, if you're like me you're just reading in a sunk cost fallacy of going: well, I've already come this far dammit, I'm gonna see this thing to the bitter end.
Learn from my mistake, stop when you get bored, the first 6 or so books are dynamite but when the enthusiasm peters out, just stop.

20. Tom Wolfe -  Bonfire of the Vanities
    Genre: Fiction
    And now for something completely different!
    I couldn't tell you exactly what it is about Wolfe's writing that I find compelling but it is different from what I might ordinarily read and interesting to boot.
Admittedly Wolfe has many more works than I've read but for a full sampling of what's out there in the world you should give Wolfe a read to see if its something that appeals to you and explore around from there.


Ok, well that does it for part 2
Anyone on here you think doesn't rise to the level of the other greats?
Anyone you think I've thus far neglected who might make an appearance in part 3?

Let me know.

Top Books to Read

I watched The Equalizer the other night with my Dad for father's day.
Denzel Washington plays a badass who kills gangsters, setting the world to right.
A plot point in the movie they mention briefly is that he is working his way through reading the 100 best books.

This got me thinking.

I like to think of myself as a man of letters.
How many, wondered I, of the 100 best books have I read?

So I started looking up lists.
The problem was these lists were all hot garbage 
They quickly devolved into works and authors I've never heard of.

So here I have assembled a list, of the best authors I have ever read.

Many books are worthy but had to be excluded because I have not read them.
I limited myself to using each author only once, but if you like them you should keep reading, almost all of them have many works to chose from.
This list is mostly fiction because its what I read.

This list is designed to make you both well read and interesting at parties, and is in no particular order.

So, without further ado: The Best Books 1-10!

1. J.R.R. Tolkien - The Lord of the Rings
   Genre: High Fantasy
   I am a Tolkien guy through and through, from back when I was in grade school and long before Peter Jackson made those classic movies.
   Yes, I know this is three books
   The Fellowship of the Ring
   The Two Towers and
   Return of the King
   but they are all worth reading
   Do I skip most of the songs and poems when I re-read the books? Yes because I am an uncultured clod but Tolkien is the god father of high fantasy and easily the most influential writer in my life.
   Those that really want to go deep can read go on to read the Silmarillion.
   I read that book in the sense that my eyes passed over the words, but how much did I retain or understand? ermmmm--moving on!
2. Douglas Adams - Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
   Genre: Sci-Fi, Humor
   Wit and humor are Adam's specialty.
   Ever wonder where people shouting 42! at questions became a thing? Douglas Adams
   I will forever have the quote "it has the words DON'T PANIC inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover."
3. Michael Crichton - Jurassic Park
   Genre: 90's Sci-Fi, emphasis on Science
   There was a time before, when genetic modification wasn't passe, it was cutting edge. Take an a look into what trouble people can get themselves into when the reach exceeds their grasp and their tenuously constructed systems come crashing down.
   Also you should watch the movie, because John Williams' score is pure genius.
4. Frank Herbert - Dune
   Genre: Sci-Fi
   Another titan here, this one of Sci-Fi.
   I re-read this one from time to time when my soul needs to be cleansed in the austere beauty of the scouring sands of Arrakis.
   The follow on books are not required, they get real trippy real fast, but for those become addicted to the life altering properties of the spice, the other books are out there for you.
   I am always amazed how approachable the language of the book is.
   The world he Herbert sets up has a lot of moving pieces in the political landscape but its manageable. 
5. Patrick Rothfuss - The Name of the Wind
   Genre: Fantasy
   The writing here is simply gorgeous.
   Scrappy, three dimensional, set in a world with blemishes and scars.
   Also his ability to write about music is a thing to behold.
   This is book one of what is supposed to be a 'trilogy', a trilogy he will never finish.
   He has book one and two and seems content to never write three, which, oddly kinda fits with the theme of the books.
6. Baldassare Castiglione - The Book of the Courtier
   Genre: Non - Fiction
   Wow does this kid have a fun last name.
   Anyway, this guy was trying to teach people how to be the life of the party in medieval times (1528).
   The advice: never fight a guy whose smaller than you because at best congrats, you beat a guy smaller than you and at worst you just lost to a guy smaller than you.
   Yeah, that was this guy.
   Sprezzatura
7. Sun Tzu - The Art of War
   Genre - Non - Fiction
   How come they never want you to read the interesting stuff in school?
   Sun Tzu boiled down the principals by which every successful army has operated by since time immemorial.
   He is short and sweet with a cleared eyed view of reality that brooks no bullshit.
   Still read by business people the world over today.
8. JK Rowling - The Harry Potter Series
   Genre: Fantasy
   I do not care what you think of her political opinions, do not let that keep you from enjoying this stunning world she built, responsible for getting kids into reading in numbers mere mortal authors can only dream of.
   This is another one where I am not recommending a book per se but a series but I think if you read the first one you won't be able to put it down and will compulsively 
   The works get progressively more complex as the characters age and are fantastic (Pun!) but explore all kinds of classic themes with approachable language.
9. Susan Collins - The Hunger Games
   Genre: Dystopia
   Strong female protagonist in a battle royale who is a complicated figure.
   Great writing gives the story a blistering pace with never a dull moment. A quick easy read.
10. Milton - Paradise Lost
    Genre - Poetry
    Lead character? Satan himself.
    Talk about a compelling and interesting persona.
    From his arguments to sway the angels, to the descriptions of hell and the building of his fortress there, Pandemonium.
    His realization that he is cast out of heaven and swears eternal vengeance and spite is hair raising.
    You don't have to read the next piece Paradise Regained but Samson Agonistes is worth a read.

Ok, that does it for the first 10
Because, again, this list is not in order, stay tuned for the next round
where we unveil who else made the cut!

But I'm curious how many of these first 10 have you read?
Do any of them not belong in the Pantheon of the greats?
Let me know what you think.

Moving Step 1: Close PO Box

Last Night

Me: I would like to cancel my PO box

Website: If you want your key deposit back you have to turn in the keys at the post office you got them from

Today

Me: I would like to cancel my PO box

Them: Hmm, well you get a refund of $45, but that requires a money order and we don't have any money orders

<while on phone to supervisors> we may have to send you to the downtown location.

Me: website said I had to return the keys here.

Them: ok, we're going to take down your info and someone is going to call you with something at some point.

Me: sigh

Granted, this is not the post lady's fault. But why is nothing ever easy?

also: I don't actually know exactly what a money order is. I assume it's like a check.

Rule 4: Bad Directions

 A car arrives at a standard intersection.

It is night time in suburbia and there are no other cars around.

The driver (a remarkably good looking and intelligent man in his mid thirties)

begins to turn right after stopping and signaling.

Lady in the back: No! No! No!

Driver: No, no, no?

Lady: <Pointing> That way.

Driver: <looks in rearview>

The car aborts its right turn to turn left.

Lady: NO!

Driver: ???

Lady: THAT way! <pointing>

The car aborts its left turn and goes straight.

The car travels about half a mile 

before reaching the end of the road as it is a dead end.

Driver: Is this it?

Lady: No. [name of street]

Driver: This isn't [name of street] this is [whatever].

Lady: [name of street]

The car turns around.

The car proceeds back to the original intersection.

The car makes the turn it tried to make the first time.

The car reaches the destination in short order.

I don't mind taking directions.

But if you're giving me directions:

Don't be wrong.

Rule 5: I'm not an Ambulance

 People who request ubers are going all sorts of different places.

To work, to home, to a party, to the airport, to downtown.

This includes a lot of trips to various hospitals.

Mostly this is staff.

Hospitals require a shocking amount of staff.

Doctors and nurses of course,

but also all the cleaning crew people, the facilities guys who keep the lights on,

management and administration.

Hell, just the food department alone has an army of people.

You've got the cafeteria folks who cook the food for the general pop,

you've got the nutritionists who tell you that you can only have food that tastes like cardboard before your heart surgery (if indeed you're allowed to have food at all)

the patient services folks who put together the trays of food for all the patients in the hospital which can be thousands of trays a day,

the people who deliver those trays to the rooms,

as well as the chefs, cooks, porters who do the cooking.

Which doesn't even mention all the managers to keep things on track.

This is all to say that if your destination is listed as a hospital I'm not immediately freaking out.

Because if you're going to the hospital, chances are you're staff, not a patient.

However.

On occassion someone does need to get to the hospital

for pressing medical reasons.

When a young lady climbs into the car on a sunny spring day 

and is a bit brief and weezy in her greeting

I don't think anything of it.

But when she continues to wheez laboriously in the back,

and I see that the destination is the nearest hospital

-specifically the emergency entrance of said hospital-

Now you've got my anxiety up.

I can feel the atmosphere tighten as you silently urge me to catch every green light.

Every second we're stopped in traffic drags on.

Please,

I am not an ambulance.

I do not have any particular medical training.

If you want to get to the hospital,

call 911.

They have a bunch of dudes on standby for just this reason.

With big trucks and flashing lights that let them cut through traffic.

I have a black compact sedan.

I get it,

ambulances are shamefully expensive,

ubers are cheap.

But I can't set a land speed record getting you to the doctors,

I'm just a guy.

And it freaks me out having you pin your hopes of continuing to live

on me and the whims of the traffic gods with no warning.