In any event, I like to read and sometimes I get bored on the internet. What does this mean you ask? It means I have spent way, way too much time reading random women's profiles. However, from my extensive research into the field of women's online dating profiles I have noticed a few commonalities which I will summarize in a section I like to call:
Things In Women's Profiles That Amuse Me
#1. 'You [man] must be at least X tall, because I like to wear heels.'
I can admit, that I have seen some mighty tall ladies in my time. In fact I still regret one of them.
I was walking around with a friend at a mall (she wanted to drop by a specialty tea store. This information is in no way pertinent to the story other than to say I generally do not hang around malls) when we passed by this store rather obviously named Tall Chick.
Out of this store stilted this woman I would estimate to be in her early to mid twenties, my age. Honestly I can't remember her face so I have to assume she was blindingly attractive, but that is not what matters here because I am not superficial. What matters here is that even at 6'1" this girl easily had two inches on me; she was wearing flats.
I immediately realized how impractical it would be to make out with this girl, to say nothing of taking her as a lover. I would need a step stool just to kiss her. All of this made her a challenge, which made her irrationally captivating. I accepted the challenge.
I was plotting my opening lines when I got distracted by something my friend was trying to tell me. When I looked back she was gone. Vanished.
You'd think it'd be easy to find someone that tall even in a crowd of other people, but she must have been part wizard because she disappeared.
Thus went a major tragedy in my life.
Anyway, while I have seen some tall ladies most are of normal height, which is to say generally a shade shorter than me. This leads me to consider two possibilities:
1) Somewhere in America there are whole flocks of well endowed women (vertically speaking) looking for men. If this is the case, and you live in or are willing to drive to Baltimore you should totally send me a message. Because I am so totally not shallow and want to try taking a ridiculously tall chick as a lover. Bonus points if you are a redhead, extra super bonus points for freckles.
2) Somewhere in America there are tiny men, all of whom are on this free dating website, presenting a problem for the women on the site who do not wish to tower over their date.
Of the two I prefer number one for what are of course only the most honorable and selfless of reasons.
That wraps up part I of Adventures In Internet Dating. Need dating advice? I am really terrible at dating and am the perfect person to supply you with suggestions! You may ask me any of your romantic questions in the comments so long as it isn't gross.
In advanced of the advice I will dispense: you're welcome.
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